TL;DR Version - Wah I haven't updated because Im insecure and I want your help to not be.
DISCLAIMER: May contain rambling emo shit
Hey guys. I would like to take a minute if I may to talk to you sincerely about this project. This isn't a "be patient, its coming" post or a "sorry I haven't updated" post or any such bullshit like that. I would like to tell you whats truly going on, how I truly feel and what I want to do to change both.
The Tower as a project is nearly two and a half years old now, and something that I think about nearly every day, and continually tinker with behind the scenes. It is my baby, and I love her very very much, but I don't think that I've been a good parent.
When I spewed out the first slew of pages, the project was nearly two years old already. I was able to do that because I finally whipped myself into enough of a fury to say "Fuck it. My art will NEVER be good enough, and the writing will NEVER be ready enough for me to reach some magical juncture where the planets are aligned and it is revealed to be the correct time to begin actual work on this." So I started anyway. I took my substandard art skills and unfinished writing and charged forward for 17 glorious pages that truly surprised me. Not amazing, but better than I had though and God damn it they were done.
Then... I lost my momentum. I'm not certain what precipitated it, I have a few theories. Maybe I just ran out of steam, maybe there were too many distractions, maybe the helpful tips from helpful friends revealed the cracks and flaws in my design... And I just slid back into my old, neurotic pattern of not feeling good enough to be ready. My deep love for this project is entirely overshadowed by the monstrous, overpowering mortal terror that it will be ruined by my execution. That the art will be too shitty, that the storytelling will be too contrived, but more than anything else I am scared beyond what I can articulate that nobody will care. It sounds really stupid but this frightens me so, so much. That I could pour so much of myself into something and have it come out as this half-good lump that people say "Neat!" about.
It scares me so much that I'm more comfortable miserably tinkering away at it forever than to see it fail and have it destroy me. That's how much this story means to me. And that's why it hasn't been updated in months and months, because I can't bear the thought of it not shining as brightly as I feel it deserves.
But... To quote the saddest thing I ever said about myself: "I don't want these ideas to die inside my head."
I KNOW I'm being insecure and screwing myself over, and I KNOW it must get done or I'll be destroyed anyway. So what's the solution? Truthfully, I don't know for certain, but I had a thought:
We are now on episode 89 of Ask An Alex live, and if my memory holds stable I have not missed a single weekly episode for well over a year, late starts and rescheduling notwithstanding. And it occurred to me that I go and do the show every 7 days no matter what's happening and no matter how shitty I feel because I know there are people there waiting and expecting me to appear and do something, and if there's anything as powerful as my own sense of disappointment, its the sense of disappointment of others. I get very nervous when i'm running late.
In any event, its YOU guys that keep me coming back to that, so maybe with a little help from y'all I can form the same habit for this precious little infant that I keep overprotecting and not allowing to grow up. (I am talking about The Tower, you magots.)
I'm not even sure if this is the right idea or if it will even work, or really even how to implement it, but I think that its trying something... And after suffering through the longest and worst pain of my entire life this last 5 days (I had a badly abscessed tooth) I just sort of feel like I need to make a change.
How about one (1) full-color page per week, even if its an embarrassing chunk of dogshit - and YOU all get to help me pick a delivery date for it? AND... Once I get rolling properly I can put some more serious thought into something I've been considering: "Project Retcon", which would essentially amount to redrawing all the old, shitty shit with newer, better not-shit. This may involve me or it might be a collab thing with one or more other people (It would be really nice to have a colorist.)
I'll be throwing very rough concept artwork for the strip in here for everyone to look at. Some of them are old and embarassingly shitty, but I hope you enjoy the good ones! Constructive critiques, comments and questions are welcome.
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum
